I careD for you more than i DID for anyone else

Like i told you, I don't even know why i have to bother.
Maybe because there's such a thing called "care".
All these while, i've wanted to talk to you, ask you how you have been, how things are with ____ & etc.
But when i look at you, i think about the things you've done.
Like SWEARING upon me although it wasn't the truth.
Don't deny it, & i ain't gonna tell you how i found out that you were lying.
You could have just said
"No, i haven't".
It would have been MUCH better of than
"I swear upon you im not doing it anymore"
That's probably the most disappointing thing i've heard this year.
You say you know i care for you, & you say you care for me too.
I swear i cried when you sent me the last message.
I'm glad you know i care for you, but the amount of disappointment i get from CERTAIN things( i think you know what im talking about) beats the happiness i get.
I always thought by being the way we are right now, things would be solved.
But each time i look at you, i can't bare to avoid you.
It' hurts me badly that you wanna talk to me.. It hurts me badly that you can't talk to the group of us because of what i would think.. but the amount of hurt i get from what you've been doing will never beat anything else.
& more than how much of care about this relationship of ours that was more than just friends, you know that i cared even more.
I hope you didn't think that i was going overboard, i was too naggy or i was too concerned.
But from now on, i think things are never gonna be the same as it used to be.
So, i shall not think about what you think anymore.
I think i'm a coward, because i can't bare to see anything happening to you OR i cannot trust you anymore.
Once again, i ask myself, why the fuck am i bothering so much when i have other things to care about? The answer, you will take whatever you think it is. Because i am NOT gonna bother to explain anymore.
I think i've been hurt enough.
Lastly, i'm really sorry that i'm being stingy. I don't wanna lose my tears for you anymore.
& gladys, you're wrong,
im not sure if this is benefitting me, but it is definitely benefitting him.
I careD for you more than i DID for anyone else..

& i think you have found the answer to the last sms you sent me.
Please don't message me again ( although deep inside i want you to)